You’re sick again?

oct14-80

 

 

 

So as all of my fellow spoonies know, when you have an auto immune disease their are very few days that you feel “good”. Very few days where you have no pain, no digestive issues, no fatigue, no symptoms of any kind. Actually I don’t think I can recall the last time I felt that way.

I should buy stock in antacids

Some days are better than others obviously, but all days have their set of challenges. As for me the usual is digestive turmoil, left hip and wrist pain and headaches….oh the headaches. I swear I live on Tylenol and tums, I have them in my bag at ALL times. While most of these things can be alleviated with over the counter medications and the obvious daily prescriptions, the emotional toll is by far the worse. The staying home when you want to go out because you honestly cant keep your eyes open, or you’re so nauseated that you honestly think you might toss your cookies at any second.

As I’ve previously stated I am newly married. While our marriage is new, we have been together seven long amazing years. We met in college at age nineteen and I was smitten. He is amazing, and while he supports me for the most part he often gets frustrated at my “sickness”. See the thing is he knew me before all this, he knew healthy me, skinny me, fun me. While both of use have changed over the years, mine hasn’t always been for the better. While I appreciate his understanding I also feel terrible, because lets be honest it isn’t fair. I try not to complain every time I feel badly because if I did he would surely think I was a nut job. But even so he says ” you’re always sick”.

At the end of the day he is my rock

While I’m not sure he fully understands the things going on in my body, he listens and he always tries to make me feel better. To tell you the truth I don’t even know what’s going on in my body, and neither do my doctors half the time. While that can be discouraging, at the end of the day I have someone who loves me, respects me and cares for me when I need it the most, Everyone deserves that. Don’t settle for anything less than that.

Get your learn on!

This part is for all the spouses out there. Educate yourself! Try your best to learn as much as you can about what your partner is going through, because trust me you don’t know the half of it. They aren’t always going to tell you. Maybe they feel whiney or helpless, maybe they feel like you wouldnt understand. My advice is listen, take it all in. Read articles or books on whatever ailments they have and learn to understand. That will mean more to them than any gift you could ever give.

Corinthians states that ” love is patient, love is kind”, this should always be true.

Do not give up!

Above all DO NOT GIVE UP!!! Do not stop working on yourself, do not give in to your illness. Workout, eat healthy, experience things even when getting out of bed can be hard. If you don’t, you will regret it take my word on that. Even if you don’t have someone supporting you, helping you, loving you. Do it for yourself, love yourself and fight for your life. Do not quit. Do not give up. You have so much to give and the world needs you.

Anyone needing support feel free to contact me. I am always happy to listen. I know how much we need that sometimes.

much love and kisses

Marquise

 

 

 

Autoimmune Shmottoimmune

fcrown

My Journey With Hypothyroidism

My entire life I had always been thin. I mean REALLY thin. Without even having to try. I could literally stand sideways and disappear, that’s how skinny I was. I was always very athletic also, and any chance I got I ate like a 600 lb man. I mean why shouldnt I? I’m skinny, I can eat whatever I want without ever thinking about the consequences….yeah lets be honest….I sucked! I was this way all through high school and college until about the time I turned twenty three.

Beer gut or nah?

I noticed that I was putting on weight and feeling really sluggish and depressed a lot of the time. I racked it up to all the cheap beer I was drinking and all the late nights I was spending out with friends. At first it was all fun and games… I mean I had boobs…like real boobs for the first time ever. But the weight just kept piling on. I was getting worried and began to work out and diet excessively. At first I could keep the poundage at bay. My weight would yo yo up and down for years, but as time went on it felt like nothing I did would take the weight off.

In June of 2015 on a family vacation the love of my life asked me to be his wife. I was elated and obviously said yes. During our vacation I noticed that my stomach would be upset often and I would feel full and lethargic after very small meals. I assumed I was just nervous and excited for all the wedding planning, and we enjoyed the rest of our vacation as an engaged couple. A few weeks after we got home, I began to get sicker and sicker. After some blood work and a physical the doctors determined that my thyroid levels were off. At first they shrugged it off and sent me on my way. That was until I made multiple ER visits, and had to get so many tests run, and saw so many doctors, I  felt like a human pin cushion. I would get excruciating headaches, chest pain, joint pain, random hive breakouts, the list goes on and on.   Lets just say I met my deductible that year.

Although I was feeling terrible, I had lost an upwards of almost thirty pounds and fitting into the clothes I wore as a high school senior…silver lining people!

Finally some answers

I was eventually diagnosed with an autoimmune disease called Hashimotos Hypothyroidism. I also had to have my gallbladder removed, which was apparently caused mostly in part of my crazy hormone imbalances. The next few months I was also diagnosed with early signs of rheumatoid arthritis.

After trying an array of pharmaceutical  cocktails, I finally found one that made me feel like an actual human again. As I started to resume life as previously scheduled… my weight came back with a vengeance. I gained back all the weight I had lost and then some. Which really wasn’t ideal when you are planning the most important day of your life.. you know the one that you’ll have pictures of forever and hundreds of people will see…yeah cool. The wedding dress I had bought no longer fit and I was feeling so defeated. Luckily for me I finally found a dress in a size I don’t want to mention, that made me look like less of a potato and more like a beautiful bride. Still though I was depressed. This is not how I saw myself on my wedding day. I felt fat and terrible. When the day came though and  I put on that dress,  with the support of all the people i love so much, the day was absolute perfection. Not only that, but I didn’t think about my weight at all that night. I married the love of my life, I ate, I drank, and danced until my shoes gave me blisters.

So what now?

Now that I have a diagnosis I plan to educate myself and find a way to live a healthy happy life autoimmune disease and all.

My struggle with Hypothyroidism will never be over. I will take that tiny pill every morning until the day I die. At first the thought of that was devastating to me, but as I mulled it over I thought..it could be so much worse. One persons normal is not necessarily normal for someone else.

It’s possible too that my weight will be a challenge for the rest of my life now.  But Life will go on and I will be okay.

Be Kind

My only request of all of you is to be kind. I have been guilty of fat shamming so many times that it makes me sick. Now I am the one on the other side of it and it is the worst feeling in the world. I was never a bully , but I definitely just assumed all fat people were lazy or glutinous, which is 100% false. My perspective has shifted, my eyes have been opened and I plan to educate myself to the fullest.

You don’t know the struggles of others. Even the people closest to them may not know their true raw feelings. So I beg of you. Always…always…always just be kind.

So ill leave you with this.

We all face challenges. Its how we choose to address those challenges that define our spirit. Don’t let things defeat you. You are strong and capable, you are beautiful and worthy, and you will rise above.

-love and kisses-

Marquise