My Journey With Hypothyroidism
My entire life I had always been thin. I mean REALLY thin. Without even having to try. I could literally stand sideways and disappear, that’s how skinny I was. I was always very athletic also, and any chance I got I ate like a 600 lb man. I mean why shouldnt I? I’m skinny, I can eat whatever I want without ever thinking about the consequences….yeah lets be honest….I sucked! I was this way all through high school and college until about the time I turned twenty three.
Beer gut or nah?
I noticed that I was putting on weight and feeling really sluggish and depressed a lot of the time. I racked it up to all the cheap beer I was drinking and all the late nights I was spending out with friends. At first it was all fun and games… I mean I had boobs…like real boobs for the first time ever. But the weight just kept piling on. I was getting worried and began to work out and diet excessively. At first I could keep the poundage at bay. My weight would yo yo up and down for years, but as time went on it felt like nothing I did would take the weight off.
In June of 2015 on a family vacation the love of my life asked me to be his wife. I was elated and obviously said yes. During our vacation I noticed that my stomach would be upset often and I would feel full and lethargic after very small meals. I assumed I was just nervous and excited for all the wedding planning, and we enjoyed the rest of our vacation as an engaged couple. A few weeks after we got home, I began to get sicker and sicker. After some blood work and a physical the doctors determined that my thyroid levels were off. At first they shrugged it off and sent me on my way. That was until I made multiple ER visits, and had to get so many tests run, and saw so many doctors, I felt like a human pin cushion. I would get excruciating headaches, chest pain, joint pain, random hive breakouts, the list goes on and on. Lets just say I met my deductible that year.
Although I was feeling terrible, I had lost an upwards of almost thirty pounds and fitting into the clothes I wore as a high school senior…silver lining people!
Finally some answers
I was eventually diagnosed with an autoimmune disease called Hashimotos Hypothyroidism. I also had to have my gallbladder removed, which was apparently caused mostly in part of my crazy hormone imbalances. The next few months I was also diagnosed with early signs of rheumatoid arthritis.
After trying an array of pharmaceutical cocktails, I finally found one that made me feel like an actual human again. As I started to resume life as previously scheduled… my weight came back with a vengeance. I gained back all the weight I had lost and then some. Which really wasn’t ideal when you are planning the most important day of your life.. you know the one that you’ll have pictures of forever and hundreds of people will see…yeah cool. The wedding dress I had bought no longer fit and I was feeling so defeated. Luckily for me I finally found a dress in a size I don’t want to mention, that made me look like less of a potato and more like a beautiful bride. Still though I was depressed. This is not how I saw myself on my wedding day. I felt fat and terrible. When the day came though and I put on that dress, with the support of all the people i love so much, the day was absolute perfection. Not only that, but I didn’t think about my weight at all that night. I married the love of my life, I ate, I drank, and danced until my shoes gave me blisters.
So what now?
Now that I have a diagnosis I plan to educate myself and find a way to live a healthy happy life autoimmune disease and all.
My struggle with Hypothyroidism will never be over. I will take that tiny pill every morning until the day I die. At first the thought of that was devastating to me, but as I mulled it over I thought..it could be so much worse. One persons normal is not necessarily normal for someone else.
It’s possible too that my weight will be a challenge for the rest of my life now. But Life will go on and I will be okay.
My only request of all of you is to be kind. I have been guilty of fat shamming so many times that it makes me sick. Now I am the one on the other side of it and it is the worst feeling in the world. I was never a bully , but I definitely just assumed all fat people were lazy or glutinous, which is 100% false. My perspective has shifted, my eyes have been opened and I plan to educate myself to the fullest.
You don’t know the struggles of others. Even the people closest to them may not know their true raw feelings. So I beg of you. Always…always…always just be kind.
So ill leave you with this.
We all face challenges. Its how we choose to address those challenges that define our spirit. Don’t let things defeat you. You are strong and capable, you are beautiful and worthy, and you will rise above.
-love and kisses-